Finding out we were pregnant really opened my eyes to money: what can we afford and what’s off the table? That’s what reminded and reignited my trajectory on the Baby Steps.
Like many post-grads and young professionals, I have made questionable financial decisions. Thankfully, I never went too far off the deep end but I could have been much better with my money from day one. You get your paycheck, pay your bills, and spend the rest without realizing where it all goes… it’s infuriating.
If you have been around for a while then you may recall my spontaneous car purchase in March of 2020 (right before we all got slapped with COVID). I was spending more than I should have on car payments and regretted the purchase the day I got home with the paperwork. After talking with Paul and referencing many, many articles, I got fixated on Dave Ramsey and his ‘Baby Steps‘ framework. I took some time to self-loathe, picked myself up, and sold the car on Carvana for almost as much as I had purchased it for – a win in my book.
I was so proud of myself for making that decision and felt as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But do you know what happened next? I fell right back into a cycle of credit card use. We bought a house, got engaged, and I decided to rack up my charges in consumer debt instead of cash flowing like I should have.
It wasn’t until we found out that we were pregnant in October of 2021 (a full year after the car was towed away from our apartment) that I started seriously contemplating my life choices.
As supportive as he is (and was the first time), Paul was fully on board for our debt-free journey. I have spent the last two months paying down debts with the debt snowball and budgeting to see how quickly we can make it happen. While we won’t have this debt paid off by the time baby girl arrives, I have mapped it out so we 1) have wiggle room for expenses with her birth and first year and 2) can still manage to pay this debt off by 2023.
Tips From Someone Who Did It Wrong
This is the advice that you probably don’t want to hear but need to. It also happens to be most of the advice that was given to me when I graduated that I ignored. Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes to realize they are just that, mistakes. If I can help in just the smallest way then it would make me happy.
1 | Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover
I had to put this first because it’s both the most obvious and the most important. We are all so consumed with social media (it’s what I do for a living) that we are influenced to make purchase decisions day in and day out. You watch your favorite influencers live lavishly, come across financial reels boasting the ‘best’ advice, and see friends and family making big life decisions. What you don’t see is their bank account. You never know what someone else’s circumstances are and cannot assume based off of their Insta-reality.
Give yourself grace and allow yourself to manifest the things you want. Instead of saying I wish I could do that right now take a minute to tell yourself I will be doing this when I am financially secure. This is something I have been doing every day, no exaggeration. Pregnancy has resulted in an overwhelming number of mom influencers and advertisements being pushed into my discover feed. It takes a lot of willpower to let it be noise.
2 | Be Open and Honest About Your Situation
Not being 100% honest about your financial situation is a heavy load to carry with your spouse and yourself. Sometimes if we let it bubble up too long it becomes a true burden. When I looked at my statements and realized how much I had accrued in debt, I felt like I had been punched in the face. I sat at the desk with my head in my hands, got so overwhelmed that I shed tears, and immediately got to work on a budget. When Paul got home, I had to admit to both of us that changes needed to be made.
It really hurts to see the damage you’ve done ($8K in my case, excluding the loan), especially when you’ve already been on this merry-go-round once. As the saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You can blame society for your decisions but the ball can always be back in your court if you let it. Honesty is hard but secrets are even harder. Acknowledging it improved my mental health and reduced my stress.
3 | Know What You’re Working Towards
Right now everything I do is because I want the best for our baby and for our family. That said, everything starts with you and your why. First and foremost, I am doing this for myself. Making yourself the key driver is putting the responsibility on you in the best way. Just think about everything you will be able to accomplish once payments are out the window and you can truly live the life you have always dreamed up. If you are reading this and you are just starting your career, now is the time to buckle down and make changes so you can be successful.
After the fire is rolling under you to get things done, write down your list of goals. This list should include life changes like marriage, babies, homes, education, etc. as well as dreams. I always keep a Pinterest board of my aspirations (a mood board, if you will) to remind myself of what I would like to do with my “free” money in the future. Both of these things will keep you excited and motivated to keep on your debt-free journey.
4 | Be Prepared to Roll Up Your Sleeves
As mentioned in the former bullet, you are responsible for the success of this operation. If you are married, your spouse is a part of this too. Get ready to dig deep and put in the hours. Working might not seem like fun when your friends are hitting up the bars from Thursday to Sunday, but those dollar signs coming in and the debts going out will be fuel to your fire. Budgeting for normal things like groceries, gas, etc. feels so blah but you will really appreciate those lobster dinners at once that last debt is paid off.
This is coming from someone who is still walking the baby steps so you might not want to take me seriously. However, these concepts have worked for other areas of my life so why not financially? I had more coming in than I even realized which has meant serious payments to big bills. We have paid off several debts and I get excited for every additional dollar I can make because I know where it’s going at the end of the month.
5 | Be a Good Listener but Stand Your Ground
This is the hardest but the best rule you will follow in many areas of your life. You are likely surrounded by family and friends who think they know what is best for you, regardless of your age. We receive so much advice about money and life from people who think they know what is best for you. Guess what? Only you know what is best for you. Listen intently and take from the advice what you feel fits best in your life. The best thing is to actually write it down and combine it later so you are making the most of what is given to you.
Whatever you do, try not to get too defensive. We all live our lives differently and see opportunities differently. Take the high road when you disagree and move along with your journey. Someday when you have reached your debt-free goal and are saving for the “bigger” things in life, you can give the advice that helped you. Until then, we are all on this road together and should support and empower one another.
Though it’s a ways off, I feel invigorated knowing this is possible. Am I a bit overboard in podcast listening hours? Maybe. But my current goal is to do whatever I can to knock this student loan out and raise my children in a household that can live and give like no one else without the burden of owing lenders.
